This thing we call Love
by PW 1
Summary: my strange/weird/complicated fanfiction ... just read and respond or ask a question if you want... if not oh well.


This thing we call Love

by: Pixie Wings

AN: Well.... I guess I could Kind of call this a fanfiction since it uses the characters from Gundam Wing..... But it's more opinionated if you ask me... Anyway any body can fit into the blanks where the names for the characters are. (it works... although you might not exactly want to do that) Now remember this story deals with my opinion, so you may not agree with me and that's good. You all should have your own opinions and I doubt that you all would wanna be like me anyways. 

Well I guess this was inspired by my parents.... after years of watching them do this to each other I decided to incorporate it in my works. Even I go through this with my mom and some of my *good* friends (I don't argue with my other 'acquaintances' because they'd never understand the way I think). Also you can thank my humanities class for this load of crap. Seriously try reading Girl Interrupted and A Heart of Darkness and listen to the teacher babble on... you'll get your own opinions and thoughts just out of the air... at least you THINK you do ^.~ I won't get into it now... anyway I hope this is something you all can kinda sorta relate to... Oh and please keep in mind that this isn't *exactly* a story.... 

*~*~*~*

Heero felt so alone. No, he *was* alone, just like he had been his entire life. Sure, people had made promises to him that he would never be abondoned, but the were all lies... just a bunch of meaningless words. 

Even his mother lied to him. She promised that she would always be there for him whenever he needed her. She wasn't there for him anymore, she hadn't been for a while now, she was dead. She had died and left him with a distraught father who took his anger out on him. Yes, he was hit, he was punched, and yes it did hurt. But it was nothing compared to the pain that being alone caused. Loneliness. 

He was soon sent out into the streets never to return to his father. He was still a child and had no other choice than to do the things he did. What choice did he have in the end though? It was his natural instinct that kept him alive. Tired, lonely, but alive. So when Dr. J had offered him food and shelter, of course he said yes. He had no idea what was in store for him. 

As the years passed and his training proceeded he knew that he would always be truly alone. There was no stopping this wheel, now or ever. He was destined to be alone forever. 

He fooled himself into believing that he wouldn't when two people came into his life. Both showed him what love could be, they both gave him companionship, both created the illusion that he wasn't alone. Both had fooled him, but both claim to love him. They had never asked of anything in return until lately. So when it was asked of him, he felt he owed it to them. But that 'something' seemed so far out of his grasp, and *if* he could somehow grab on to it, then the problem would arise. For this 'thing' was something he could only give to one person. But who would it be?

Relena or Duo?

How many times had he asked himself this question? How many times had he gotten no response, no answer? How could he *truly* decide? Was it for qualities, the soul, how pure one was over the other? Was he suppose to split himself in half and give one half to Duo and the other to Relena? 

If he could, he obviously would. They had both captured his heart in a way, but they both wanted him to decide who would *have* him. 

He couldn't believe that they would try to make him choose between them, but they had. He knew it was selfish of him to try and keep both of them. Especially when he knew they both needed more. And now he was getting what he felt he truly did deserve. He had to choose... even if it would tear him apart. 

He couldn't live without both of them though. Relena symbolized life while Duo symbolized death. The battle between them would play on and on in his life. Relena canceled Duo out and Duo cancelled Relena out. They nullified each other, and in the end, in the remains of their war, he was the leftovers. 

He was in eternal purgatory for even being born. He hated this, he hated being who he was, he hated being him. As much as he loved Relena and Duo, he hated them too. He hated them for making it seem as if he weren't alone. He hated that he loved them both, he hated that they were making him choose. He hated being alone. 

Here we are.... back at being alone. The same loneliness that follows you around where ever you go. That waits until your most vulnerable, and then, it pounces. It makes you feel lesser of a person, not very human at all. It makes you feel unworthy of love. 

Now here we are again. Back to the subject of love. Heero loved two people but couldn't decide on one. It tore him apart, it made him hate them and everything around him. 

Lets retrace our steps. 

Alone (loneliness), it lead to love. Love lead to hate. Hate lead back to being alone. A never ending circle, a ball, a ring... a symbol.

A Wedding Ring.

Truthfully now, You love someone, but don't you hate a certain aspect of that person? Don't you wanna get rid of a certain habit or something, like maybe smoking? or maybe their bad attitude? Look at what's happening... you think you *Love* them... or maybe you do.... ? I wouldn't really know the answer to that question, but anyway lets get back to it. You *Love* that person, but you discovered an aspect that you *Hate* about that person. Now you may say 'no I don't hate that part, I just don't like that part.... hate and don't like.... same column of thought right there....now lets get back to it. That hatred for a certain aspect opens a door that slowly allows you to see something else that you don't like about a person...slowly. Until all you can see are things that you don't like... hate. Soon that *Hate* drives you away from that person. This leads back to the feeling of loneliness. Being *Alone*.

Alone/Loneliness...

Love.... 

Hate.... 

A circle, a ring, a symbol.

A Wedding Ring.

What does that wedding ring really symbolize? Undying love and affection? Something that will always be? a Cycle?? or does it symbolize hate and loneliness? that's up to you to decide in the end.... but, keep in mind... love is more than what it seems. It's also hatred and loneliness. They all tie together in a circle, a cycle, and yes one more time... a ring... 

A Wedding Ring. 

Who was going to get it? Who would really want it?

Would Duo want to be hated by Heero and left feeling lonely, feeling alone? Or would Relena?

How can Heero ever truly decide on who he wants to hate or love? We don't know... but the cycle will continue... this thing we call love.

*~*~*~*~*

Well I also have one other fact I wanna share with you about wedding rings... (this is another reason why I don't want wedding rings if I do get married.... ) The wedding rings are bands... yeah... put on the ring finger of your left hand. A long time ago people use to believe that a vein ran from that finger to your heart. The band.. the ring... was put on that finger. Now let me explain another thing... a ring is like a miniature bracelet in a way right? bracelets came from shackles. No hear me out on this... shackles are exactly like bracelets in a way! think about it, the only difference is that bracelets are more delicate and decorated. Shackles aren't, instead they have a chain connecting to the other shackle. Slaves were brought to america in shackles. Prisoners. Now all thats missing from the ring is the chains to the other ring.... your a prisoner... a slave to this other person! at least that's what it symbolizes to me anyway. 

Well anyway now that I've thoroughly pissed you all off.... what did you think of this? don't worry I doubt if I'd ever write another thing like this... Anyway I think it was kinda weird... I mean I had this big inspiration to write this and all the words just seemed to flow out of the pen.... 

If you review you can chose to either:

1. Flame me to kingdom come, and they will be looked at with a smile upon my face.

2. Praise me up into the clouds, and they will be looked at with a smile upon my face.

or

3. You can tell me your honest opinion of this and your vantage point and they will be READ and appreciated!

This kinda sorta story does mean a little more to me than most others that I've done since it talks of one of my personal beliefs. Thats why I'm asking for the vantage points and opinions. It makes me feel like a few people can relate or understand a little of what I'm trying to say. or is at least interested in it. 

Well everybody thanks for putting up with my crap!!  


~Pixie Wings~

Disclaimer:

I don't own Gundam Wing... but I do own my own beliefs. 


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